Hunger, Intensity and Humanity

John cocked his head to the side slightly. "I'm not pushing any buttons... You've kept it in, haven't you?" He breathed as he looked up at Randy. "You won't let anyone in. You're afraid to let someone in... right here." He said, laying his hand right over where Randy's heart was. "Now I don't know you personally, or your lover. But I have a feeling that he wouldn't want you to torture yourself like this." He whispered. He knew this man had probably been haunted and tortured for years because of his accident.

Randy closed his eyes, the pain almost unbearable. For so long, he had felt nothing. No happiness, no sadness, no pain. And then this man comes along, one that looks so much like his late lover and everything changes. Now, he's saying all these things that Randy has pushed away, trying to ignore, and it was killing him. "Please. Stop," he tried to say firmly, but it came out as a weak whisper.

John pressed closer to Randy. "Let it go, Randy. Let him go, and let it out. Accept it, Randy. " He whispered, his hand coming up and stroking the back of Randy's neck gently. He leaned into Randy's ear. "I know it hurts, but he'd want you to let him go." He breathed.

Randy closed his eyes, holding back tears. He pushed John away, shaking his head. "No. Stop. Just... Leave me alone," Randy said and stormed to his room, slamming the door shut. He walked over to his bed, sitting down and burying his face in his hands.

John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "So close." He whispered to himself and sat down on the bed. He'd been so close with Randy. But it seemed as though the man would never just... let go. Let himself go, and let his lover go.

Randy ran a hand through his hair. He knew he needed to get over Jason. But it was so hard. He had never felt a pain like this. And as a vampire, he felt everything 10x more than humans.

He got up and walked to the door of his room, just standing there.

John wanted to go talk to Randy, but knew he should let the vampire cool down. He stood at the door of the room he was staying in, contemplating on what he should do. Everything was just so complicated. He felt a strong need to help Randy... to move on.

Randy opened the door, but still didn't move. He didn't know what he would say. He wouldn't apologize for getting mad at John for pushing the wrong buttons, no matter how much he was trying to help. That just wasn't the person that Randy was. But he needed to talk to John. He felt this need to talk to him.

John rested his head on his door and closed his mind. He knew he should apologize for upsetting Randy. But he knew the man needed to hear it, and accept what happened. Or else he'd never be happy, and he knew that's not what Randy's late lover would want.

Randy stepped out of the room and walked over to John's door. He took a deep breath and raised his fist, meaning to knock on the door, but his hand just hung their in midair. He stared at the door, unsure of what to do.

John let out a breath and finally decided to open the door and talk to Randy. He was surprised to see Randy there with his fist up. "Oh, hey." He said, running a hand through his hair. "Do you wanna talk... or something?"

Randy's eyes widened slightly, but he quickly composed himself and dropped his fist. "I- Uh- Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably and shifting from foot to foot.

John let out a breath and let Randy into the room. "I... uh.. Look, I'm sorry I upset you. I know I was pushing your buttons. But Randy... You and I both know you needed to hear those things." He said softly.

Randy sat on the edge of the bed and sighed, looking down at the floor. "I know, I know," he said softly. "It just... Hurts too much think about it. I pushed it away because that's a pain I can't deal with."

John nodded. "I know what it's like to feel pain you can't deal with. But you have to face it, accept it, and deal with it eventually. You won't ever get better if you don't." He sighed.

"But it's so painful. Like, you can't imagine this pain. It's an ache in your chest, only with a stabbing, frozen feeling around your heart. It's agonizing. I- I can't do it. I can't take it," Randy finished quietly. He could already feel the ache forming in his chest.

John sat next to Randy, gently putting his hand over the bigger man's heart. "Your right. I can't imagine the pain. But you will feel better once you accept it. When you let it out. I know this for a fact. I've lost a lover. I've been left by another. Betrayed by his brother. And I've been abused by the other. If... if there's anyone on this planet earth, who knows the pain in here," He said, lightly pointing to Randy's heart. "Its me. I get it."

Randy didn't look at him, just stared down at the floor. He knew John was right and he hated that he was right. He hated that he had to deal with things like this. He had done a lot of wrong in his life, but that was all after Jason died. He didn't understand why he had to deal with this pain. Why he had to be the one to lose control.

John frowned as he looked at Randy. "How come you never look me in the eye?" He asked softly. He realized, Randy tried not to look at John as much as possible. Surely he and Jason couldn't look that much alike.

"Because it hurts too much to look at you. Especially into your eyes. You just... Look so much like him. It scares me," Randy replied, still looking down. He didn't want to offend John, he just... couldn't take it.

John sighed. "I see. Well, Randy... one day, you're gonna look at me. You're gonna look into my eyes, and you won't think of Jason. I know that seems impossible right now, but it'll happen. You just gotta trust me." He said softly.

Randy nodded. "Okay," he said quietly, still staring down. Maybe he would, but not right now. Right now, he wished for a distraction from all of this. "I... Uh... Need to go," he said, standing up and running out.

John sighed and laid down on his bed. "Well, I tried..." He mumbled to himself. He'd hoped Randy would begin to trust him. He was already starting to trust the vampire. He laid on his side, relaxing for a bit.

Randy walked out of the house and was hit by the fresh air. He breathed it in deeply, though it did little to relax him. He sighed and walked through the streets, the quietness of the night soothing him more and more as he walked with his hands in his pockets.

John sighed and got up, going down to the kitchen. There wasn't a whole lot of food, for the obvious reason. So he just had water. But he dropped the glass, the pieces cutting his finger, blood dripping from them.

"Shit." He cursed and quickly went to stop his blood.