Easy Manipulation

Easy manipulation,
( a prelude fic for mine and Mikey thread I'm losing what i don't deserve on SC )


Chris Jericho scanned over the people at his party; he was looking for a new ‘lover’. His old one had left him because he said Chris was to cold and unfeeling. Chris had just shrugged him off and said that he was getting bored with him anyway, so now here he was. He stopped for a second to look at John Morrison, Morrison was hot but he wasn’t what Chris wanted. Then he grinned as he looked at the person next to Morrison, Phil Brooks. Phil would work, he was without a doubt hot and as a plus side he had a very unassuming personality. Yes Phil would be perfect, easy manipulate and from what he had seen a very nice body. Chris smirked as he waited for Morrison to leave so he could talk to Phil alone and give him a special offer.

Phil sighed softly; he didn’t know why he had let Morrison drag him to Chris’s party. He wasn’t a partying person really and preferred just to hang out with friends. But Morrison had begged him and he had said he would go with him. He was so into his thoughts that he barely paid attention when Morrison said he’d be right back.

Chris smirked when he saw Morrison leave Phil; he quickly made his way over. “Hi Phil.” He said with a smile. “Hi.” Said Phil softly, Chris decided to skip the small talk and said “Hey Phil there something I would like to talk about with you, do you think we could go upstairs and talk?” “Umm sure but I need to tell Morrison first.” “Well I think he’s a bit busy.” Chris said with a grin, as he pointed to Morrison making out with Mike. “Guess he doesn’t need a ride home tonight.” Mumbled Phil as Chris grabbed his wrist and led him upstairs.

Chris smirked as he walked into his bedroom, this was going easier then he thought it would. Chris pushed Phil on to the bed and started kissing and nipping Phil’s neck as he started unbuttoning his shirt. “Chris what are you doing?” asked Phil as he pushed Chris away confused. “I want you Phil.” Chris as he finished taking off Phil’s shirt and started on his own. “Chris I don’t want to have a one night stand.” Said Phil softly, Chris grinned and said “I don’t want a one night stand ether Phil, I want you to be my lover.” Than he started on Phil’s neck again, Phil moaned and pushed away again. “Chris wait.” He said “I'm not sure about this.” Chris pulled back slightly “Don’t worry Phil.” He said, Phil looked at Chris and nodded. Chris grinned and started again.

A hour later and Phil looked at Chris as he was falling asleep, he wondered what was going to happen next.

Okay. I think you asked some of us in the chat box one night to take a look at this. Sorry it took me so long but ya know me--busy Nef is always busy.

Anyway, I don't think you're a terrible writer but if you ever hope to get better, one must take constructive criticism and that's what I'm about to do.

Always, ALWAYS separate between speakers. I cannot stress this enough. So for instance:

“Hi Phil," he said with a smile.

“Hi," Phil said softly.

Chris decided to skip the small talk. “Hey Phil, there's something I would like to talk about with you. Do you think we could go upstairs and talk?”

I say this because well...it's a rule of English dialogue construction. Also, it makes it easier for the reader to follow the conversation. In slash, its really hard sometimes to distinguish between two male speaker so you have to be mindful of these things as well as how often you use the pronouns he, him, himself...ect.

I don't have much to say about your characterizations because everyone interprets a character differently. In other words, the way I write Chris may not be how you see him and that's OKAY so this isn't really a criticism.

Just a little advice--no one likes Mary Sues. None of your characters are Mary Sues but you have to be careful how much fluff and sensitivity you use or else people will get turned off and won't read or review because it lacks realism. For instance, if you wish for the fic to be canon, then Phil and Chris would be much more aggressive according to their on screen characters. If you're going the AU route then you're good. It's not meant to show them as their on screen selves and by that right you can do whatever the hell you want with them.

Well that's all the advice I have for you. No one's a terrible fanfic writer. Well there are some but you're not. You have a developing idea and just ya know, watch your grammer and you're all good.

Hope this helps.