Life As He Knew It (Open)

John grabbed Randy's hand as they went to the car. He got in the driver's set, driving to Alex's office. He lightly squeezed Randy's hand as they walked in the building. He checked in before sitting next to Randy. He hoped nothing bad happened today... the office was completely packed with patients.

"Dont worry, baby. It'll be okay," Randy said. He squeezed Johns hand and smiled at him.

John smiled slightly at him. "I hope so. I don't want to be the reason all these patients go locoa..." He muttered, looking up when his name was called. He looked nervously at Randy, before letting go of his hand and walking in the room, sitting on the couch.

Alex smiled at John. "Hello, John. How are you this afternoon?" he asked.

John blinked. "I don't know. My week sucked ass! I was kidnapped, slipped marijuana and got shitfaced as well as high, OH!, and I almost forgot, I almost lost my sanity last night." He snapped.

Alex nodded calmly. "Apperently, the stress is getting to you. Why are you so stressed? What are your stressers?" he asked, looking at John.

John huffed. "Stresser? I don't know, what do you think?! My job is the most stressful thing a person can endure! I have to go around and act like everything's okay when its not! I have to plan an entire wedding in Greece. Granted, that's something I actually want to do, but its still stressful! And because I'm the 'girl' in our relationship, Randy said I have to plan it. I still have to deal with insomnia, traveling, pleasing Randy, and the nightmares in between, and last night I just... snapped and went psychotic because I just... I need.. I... I don't know..." John trailed off and buried his face in his hands, not knowing what else to say.

"Okay. Well first off, take some time off work and spend it at home, with or without Randy. Second, why dont you discuss the wedding situation with Randy? Have you even done that?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow. "And the whole 'pleasing Randy' ordeal? You should discuss that with him, too. Actually, he's been kind of stressed because of that, too. Is he here?"

John frowned. "Well, he doesn't tell me everything, so why should I have to tell him everything? And yes, he's here. And how would you know- No, just forget it. I don't care anymore." He grumbled.

"Wanna go get him? Its group therapy time," Alex said with a smile. He loved group therapy with lovers. It was amazing to see how they reacted.

John just shook his head. "You enjoy this way too much..." He muttered and went to go get Randy. He almost snatched his lover's hand, and practically dragged him into the room and to the couch. John was stressed and that made him cranky.

Randy bit his lip nervously as he sat down. "Whats going on?" he asked. Alex smiled. "A little group therapy. John, talk to Randy."

"No." John said stubbornly. Normally, John would be the first to open up and tell Randy his problems. But not this time. This time, Randy was gonna open up first.

"Okay, then. Randy? Would you like to tell John what you've been telling me?" Alex said. Randy bit his lip. His mental problems were something he didn't really enjoy sharing. "Um, not really," he said quietly.

John raised a brow. "What you've been telling him? And what exactly have you been telling? No, just forget that because I know you won't tell me what's going on.You never do. So if you wanna close up like a baby, fine! I can do it too!" John snapped angrily. He was never mean to Randy, but he was pushing his buttons, and he was afraid he would snap again.

Randy shrunk in his seat a bit. He wasn't used to John acting like this. He didn't like it. He sighed. "I, um, haven't really been sleeping a lot lately. With my new meds, I've kinda been having these... visions, I guess, of things I fear will happen. Ever since your kidnap, Im scared to lose you again, and Im scared that Ill never see you again everytime you walk out the door. With the engagement and everything, Im realizing just how much I care about you, and its scary to be so invested into someone. But most of all, Im scared that Im going to hurt you. Whether it be mental and physical. Sometimes, you just get me so angry and I just wanna hit you, but I cant. And with the side effects of the new meds, Im scared that the lack of sleep and the visions and the stress are gonna cause me to snap again, and I may not be able to control myself," he said before taking a breath.

John relaxed a bit, taking a deep breath. "Randy, amore, why didn't you tell me? Baby... If something is bothering you, then let me help. I know I've been... a little crazy lately. But sometimes... you fustrate me. I love you to bits and pieces, but sometimes you make me wanna... snap. Like I wanna hit you or leave you. But when I'm angry at you, I can't show it because I don't want you to lash out. But Randy... I'm not afraid of you, and I know you wouldn't hurt me physically. Don't ask me how I know... I just know. And if you did hurt me, well it'd probably be from an accident." He said. "But what else bothers me, is when you insult me. That's worse than hitting me. You insult me for things I can't help. Randy, I get angry at you, furious sometimes. Sometimes I just wanna yell hurtful things at you and leave. But I wouldn't dare do that because I know it would crush you, and that would crush me. Yet... every time you get just a little pissed off, you insult me and that... hurts. And that's what makes me snap. It's what makes me breakdown and go insane... literally. And I know you can't help it... but neither can I. And you seem to forget that." He finished quietly.

"I dont forget. I know its not your fault. I've never blamed you for it, either. I've always been there when you snapped. Always. I know I cause it but the minute I see you sad or when you're breaking down, I snap out of it and Im there in a flash. I dont mean to call you names. But when I get angry, I want to hurt you, because Ive always been someone that pushes everyone away when Im angry. And because my brain wont let me hurt you physically, I do it mentally. And I hate that I do that. I hate making you snap. But... just let go when you get mad at me. Sure, the fight will be bad but the tension wont build up," Randy said.

John winced. "Randy, I'm not you. I don't have it in me to fight with you. Even after a match, I apologize to my opponent if I've beaten them. I don't think I can yell at you... I know I'll say some hurtful things and I just... can't" He murmured. An angry John, was a scary John. Anybody who's seen him truly mad has always ran for the hills, even Big Show had been afraid when John snapped at him once. John never got angry. He got pissed, but never angry. So when he did get truly mad, it wasn't a good thing. Hell, he'd snapped at Randy earlier in the session, and that was scary enough. But that was nothing compared to what John could be like.

"John, I know its hard. I hate fighting with you, too. But I can take it. It'll make me more mad, but I can take it. John, you've seen me mad. You've seen me angry. But you haven't seen me pissed off. Which means we've fought, but not the way we need to. The tension is building, and thats not good. That could seriously hurt our relationship later. We need to fight to the point where we cant stand to be in the same room as each other. I love you, John. So much that it scares me," Randy said, and took a deep breath.

John sighed. "The feeling is mutual, believe me. But... you sure you really want me to let it out? You've seen me bitch, but never angry. And I really... really don't wanna hurt you. I mean, how am I supposed to tell you that sometimes your an uptight asshole who doesn't know how to have fun? I can't do it." He muttered, but the spark to a fight was already lit the minute he called Randy an asshole.

"Im an asshole, huh? And an uptight one. That doesnt know how to have fun. I guess its better than an immature little bitchy Diva that needs the attention of everyone and everything to feel confident," Randy said, his anger rising.

John glared. "I'm a bitchy Diva? Oh please, I have plenty of confidence, with or without attention. And I don't ask for attention, I get it because everybody wants me. I could have stayed with any number of guys, but no. I'm stuck with you. You should be fucking grateful you got me because if I hadn't come to you, you would have never had a shot with someone like me!" He growled, tension boiling in the pit of his stomach. He knew if Randy said the wrong thing, he would let it all out and say some hurtful things. But if that's what Randy wanted, then he was going to get it.

"You're stuck with me? Bitch, you're lucky to have me. Seriously, Im like sex personified. I could had anyone and everyone. But nope, no siree. I decide, 'Oh, I should settle down. And he's a good lay, so if things go down the drain there's still that. You act like Gods gift to Earth, but you arent. And who said I would have needed a shot with a guy like you? I hear Mike's a good boyfriend, good in bed. And he's the Champ, something you wouldnt know about, would you?" Randy spat.

John' eyes widened. "Oh, you didn't just say that! You know who's a good in bed? Mark and Hunter! That's who. I told you, you should ask them for tips, and I was right. Because after all the handcuffs and your stupid blood sucking fetish, the satisfaction was NOTHING to compared to how I felt when Mark was done with me! He's a lot better... a lot bigger, and lasts a hell of a lot longer than you, Randal." He spat. "And your sex personified? Please, you didn't look so sexy when you were crying like a bitch because the elevator got stuck." He said, mocking Randy as he made a 'boo hoo' motion with his hands against his cheeks. "Only five year olds cry when the elevator is stuck, not 31 year old men." He growled.