Life As He Knew It (Open)

"He was mad. And Im not gonna lie, you kind of are. I mean, put yourself in his shoes. Look at what he has to deal with instead of what you see on the outside," Alex said.

John's eye twitched, and he leaned forward. "Did you just call me a Diva?" He asked, his green eyes darkening.

"Dont. Randy may not like to hurt you, but I will if necessary. You act like a Diva. The expnesive clothes, the shopping sprees, the hair, the glasses, the time it takes to get ready. Take a look at yourself, John. I told you I wasnt going to take it easy on you. You're gonna get angry. You're gonna get upset. But Im always gonna be real with you. You're a Diva, John. Deal with it," Alex said, not even remotely scared of John.

John blinked, sitting back, looking down, his hair falling in his face as his eyes watered. He knew he was a Diva, he just didn't like being called it. He knew he was flamboyant, but he was still a man. Granted, he was very much gay and he enjoyed things that only women should, but he was still a man. "I know." He whispered, sniffing slightly as he looked away from Alex.

"You can cry, John. Thats part of why you're here. I know it hurts. You gotta start learning to accept it. When you start accepting it, thats when you'll start getting better when it comes to shopping and such," Alex said.

John nodded shakily. Now he just felt insulted and dejected, and he wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. "I know I'm a Diva... I just... don't like being insulted for it. Other than that, I'm fine with it. But... when you point it out as a bad thing... it sucks..." He said quietly, staring down at his lap.

"You cant take it as a bad thing, though. If you accept it, it shouldnt matter how they use it. If they call you a Diva as a bad thing, all you gotta do is say 'So?' Be proud of who you are, even if its being thrown at you as an insult. Ive counseled a lot of people, Randy included, who just needed to fully accept who they are," Alex said.

John bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah, well that's not as easy as it sounds. If ya haven't noticed, I'm overly sensitive. And every time I try and be confident and be who I am, it backfires. People would just rather... crush my spirit... Even my own sisters try to crush my confidence. So I just kinda gave up on excepting myself and being open about who I am..." He sighed, playing with his sunglasses.

"I know how hard it is. But if you cant accept yourself, love yourself for who are as a whole, how can other people?" Alex asked.

"That's what he said..." John muttered, wiping his face of any tears. "But I do love myself! And I wanna except myself I just... Im used to pleasing everyone but myself. And its hard to accept myself if no one else does. And Randy... sometimes I feel like even he wants me to be something I'm not. Like the whole fucking world, even my family, wants John Morrison, not John Hennigan..." John explained quietly. And it was true. Sometimes he was afraid to show certain sides of himself, for fear Randy would get angry.

"Doing that is what makes Randy mad. When you arent John Hennigan. You gotta be who you truely are or when you do start showing that side of you, Randy wont recognize you. Hes in love with the side of you that you show him. If you dont show him you, how can he love you?" Alex said.

John let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, I understand now." He said. His mind flashed back to when he showed Randy the real color of his eyes. He told John his eyes were beautiful... he just hope Randy would find the rest of him beautiful as well.

Alex nodded. "Thats it for this week. You know the drill. Ill see you next week."

John nodded and got up, leaving the room and making an appointment. He quietly grabbed Randy's hand as they walked out of the office, many thoughts running through his head.

Randy watched John as they walked out. "You okay, baby?" he asked. He was curious as to what was going on through Johns head.

John sighed, thinking for a moment before shaking his head. "No, not really. But I will be fine, for now at least. Now how about you take me shopping, yeah? Teach me how to spend on a... budget." He said, saying budget as if were the most digusting thing on the planet. He just wanted to get his minds off everything.

"John, please. I dont want to fight," Randy said. He understood how John was but he didnt need to disrespect Randy and his ways.

"What? I'm serious. I need to learn a little control. I promise, I won't fight, and I won't bitch." John said, squeezing Randy's hand.

Randy just sighed and nodded, getting in the car and starting it, driving to the mall.

When they arrived at the mall, John intertwined his fingers with Randy's as they walked. He bit his lip, looking longingly at the Gucci store and the rack of sunglasses in the window. It was no secret John had an obvious sunglass fetish.

Randy kept walking, past all the expensive designer stores and into a department store. He pulled John to the clothing section, letting go of his hand. "Well. Look around!" he said before looking through some shirts. He doesnt wear expensive clothing. Well, actually he did. All of his boxers were custom because he was sensitive. But his shirts and pants and socks were fairly cheap.

This was painful for John. Like, literally, he felt pain as he walked past all his favorite stores. He sighed and looked around. He raised a brow when he saw that a pair of jeans were 20 dollars. "Yeah right..." He muttered, as if there was some kind of catch. There was no way jeans could be that cheap. The one's he had on were $200.

Randy found a few shirts and a few pairs of jeans. He walked back to John, seeing he had nothing. "I cant teach you to budget if you wont buy anything. You're being ridiculously close minded right now."

John sighed. "Fine. I'll cooperate, if you let me speak Italian." He said as he looked for his size through the shirts.

"John, you asked for help. Now, I told you, I dont care if you speak Italian. Just dont try to converse with me or yell at me in it," Randy said. "If this is seriously that much torture," he pulled out his wallet, pulling out one of his credit cards and holding it out to John. "Go to your designer stores."