Remind Me

Randy sat outside out the hotel late in the pouring rain, the night warm. He and John had another fight and, as usual, he stormed out without resolving things, because he was a coward and didn't like admitting he was wrong.

Lately, it seemed, they had been fighting all the time. Five years into their marriage, and they were already falling apart.

In the beginning, they were so happy. They didn't care who stared, who hated or judged them for their relationship. They had been attached at the hip, seemingly one never without the other. Sure, they had gotten into a few big fights, but they always took some space and came back to each other. It was never relationship ending. Ever.

Now? Now, he wasn't sure what their fate was. It seemed they were too past broken to fix this. They fought and made up then acted like the fight never happened, but in the back of their mind, they were thinking of it. And then they spent time together, were doing good, until someone said or did something wrong and it became World War... Whatever number they happened to be on at the time. And the cycle repeated.

Randy didn't know what to do. He loved John so much, it hurt. He couldn't just leave. But right now, it seemed like that was the only answer. And with his HIV, he was just so tired, and so weak. He couldn't take this. He just couldn't.

Randy looked across the road at the house there. There was a large window and behind, a couple kissing. It was sweet. You could see that by how they held each other. It was gentle. It was something Randy longed for.

And surely, a kiss like that would lead to sex, which he and John were barely doing lately. It was just... So stressful. It was so much work to keep this going, he was ready to just give up. He needed to be reminded of what they use to be.

Baby, remind me, he thought. Remind me.

John sat on the bathroom floor of their hotel room. He hated the fighting. He hated the fact that one of them storms out and never talked things out. He just... wished he could go back 5 years ago. To when they were int he middle of their relationship.

John could remember, many times where they had just made love. And in the morning, John made Randy breakfast in bed with nothing on but his favorite RKO shirt. He missed those memories. He wanted to be reminded of them. He wanted to relive them.

He wanted to make new memories. But they were so broken. John knew it. He didn't know how much longer they would last. And it tore John to bits and pieces. He sighed, refusing to let himself drink. That would make things worse. He bit his lip and got up, not being able to take this... loneliness anymore.

He went outside and found Randy, sitting in the rain. He went out, not caring if he was getting soaked. "Baby..." He called softly, the rain making his hair and cloths stick to his body.

Randy looked up at John, his tears mixing with the rain that fell down his face to the point where the only reason he knew he was crying is because of the shuddering breaths and gasps. He hated this. His heart was basically nothing right now. He was so broken, so damaged, that he didn't know how John even wanted to try and make this work anymore.

His ocean blue eyes were stormy and gray, their sparkle dulled by the pain he felt inside. His eyes hadn't been the same since they had gotten so bad. And others around them noticed, though they never said anything, as not to make things worse.

"Baby..." John whimpered, his heart aching bad. he slowly sat down next to Randy and wrapped his arms around him, crying into his shoulder. He didn't have anything to say, they just cried together. They were so broken, so... unfixable it seemed. He didn't know how to let go though.

Randy had become his crutch. His rock. His life. The reason John got help with his issues in the first place. He was afraid to find out what would happen if he let Randy go. Hell,his friends were afraid to see what would happen. Like some horrific, beautiful disaster set loose. But John knew... they were done.

Randy held John, tears falling down his face as his body shook with sobs. They were done. Randy knew it. John knew it. Everyone knew it. But neither was ready to admit it. In a few short years they had been through so much, so much pain, so much happiness, so much love, so much disaster. He didn't know how they were going to survive. But without John, he didn't know who, what or where he would be. John was his life, his world, his sun. Without him, he was nothing.

John didn't know what to do. He just clung to Randy. He didn't know how to let go. He really didn't. He didn't want to let go. Though he knew it was damaging them, they'd stick it out. John wanted them to get better. Even if it seemed like their relationship was dead. John would remind Randy why his name was tattooed on his hip. Why John wore his favorite RKO sweatshirt when he didn't feel well. Why he hated when John wore colored contacts. Why John couldn't look at his childhood photographs. Why he thought Randy was beautiful. He'd remind Randy of it all. Why they were so in love.

Randy didn't know how long they stayed there, in the rain, in front of the hotel, holding each other and crying, but it felt like days before he stopped, feeling far too dehydrated. He needed some water, but he was scared that would allow more tears to come out.

When he was calm, he didn't let go of John. He held him close, reveling in the feeling of their bodies together, Like he didn't know where his ended and John's began. He was determined to make this work. No matter how done they were, no matter how far gone, no matter how broken. He would remind John of all the things he used to do that made John fall in love with him. He would keep this relationship strong, even if it was the last thing he did.

John's throat was sore form all the crying. He didn't know if could even cry any more. He looked around, just realizing where they were. But he didn't care. He was done caring. He just wanted Randy. "Let's go inside..." He whispered,his voice scratchy. He didn't want either of them tog et sick and he carefully stood on shaky legs,pulling Randy with him.

Randy nodded and took his hand, walking inside and ignoring the people that called to them, asking if they were okay or if they needed anything. All he needed was for him and John to be what they were. That would make him happy. That would make everything better.

They arrived to their room and Randy stripped, wanting to get out of the uncomfortable, wet clothed. He looked at John. "How about a shower, yeah?" he asked, smiling weakly.

John smiled shakily and nodded. "Sounds good." He said softly and stripped out of his wet, uncomfortable cloths. He felt cold and sick from the whether. He just wanted a hot shower and some sleep with his husband. They had a show tomorrow, both of them in a match. But right now, he didn't care. He just cared about Randy.

Randy smiled and walked into the bathroom, turning on the water as hot as he knew they could stand it. He turned on the shower and stepped in, stepping under the hot spray and feeling his muscles relax and his body warm as John stepped into the shower with him.

John loosely wrapped his arms around Randy's neck, resting his head on his chest and let the water beat down on him, relaxing his always so tense muscles. He closed his eyes, loving how Randy felt against him.

Randy held John close. He loved this man more than life itself. He didn't want to lose him. But maybe... They needed a separation. To see other people and just get some space. That might help. And if not, they can end this saying they did everything to try and keep this marriage alive.

John didn't want to let go. But he knew they needed space. Time apart to get a hold of themselves. When they finished their shower, John steppe doug, slipping in his boxers and slipping in bed, his arms open for Randy.

Randy followed John, also pulling on a pair of boxers before climbing into bed and pulling John close. He stroked John's hair, staring up at the ceiling as he thought about everything. They would have to talk about things... Soon.

John sighed. He couldn't sleep with this on his mind. He sat up and looked down t Randy. "We really need to talk." He whispered, running a hand through his hair as he let out a breath.

"I know," Randy replied, sighing. He just... Didn't want to deal with it yet. He didn't want it to be said. He just wanted to live on in ignorance. But that would get him no where, and certainly kill their relationship forever.

John rested against the headboard facing Randy as he looked down at his lover. "We... we're so done." He whispered, his eyes misty. Saying the actual words tore him up on the inside. He hurt. Bad.

The words tore right through Randy's heart. He knew they were true, but actually hearing them made pain course Randy's body. "I know," he said, the words making him hurt worse, if that was even possible.

"I think we... we need time apart. Maybe see other people for a bit." John said, pain piercing through his heart with every single word. It hurt so bad, a few tears escaped his eyes. "I'm sorry..." He whimpered.

"Don't be sorry. There's really no way we can avoid it," Randy replied, fighting back tears. "If you want, I'll, uh, pack my things and leave tonight. I'm sure I could room with John. He's been rooming alone since Codes left him for Ted," he added.

John bit his lip. "You can uh... stay for tonight." He whispered, wanting at least one last night with his lover. He didn't know how he'd handle sleeping alone. All he knew is that it would hurt.

Randy nodded. "Alright," he said softly, laying down and turning on his side. He was tired, and he just wanted to sleep forever. He just felt... So depressed. He had never felt so down in his life. He hated it.

John sighed and spooned Randy from behind, pressing close. He didn't wanna let go. But he had to. he sighed, closing his eyes and drifting off into an uneasy sleep.

Randy closed his eyes, slowly falling asleep. He woke up throughout the night, seeming as if as soon as he fell asleep, he woke up again. So when he woke in the morning, he felt exhausted.